You Can't Kill The Rooster
David Sedaris is a
writer, frequently published in Esquire magazine ( hands down the best
magazine on the planet, except maybe for Highlights ).
He also has several books of his essays, one of
which is called Me
Talk Pretty One Day.
There is a story in the book about his brother
called, You Can't Kill The Rooster, which is perhaps the single
most funny character essay I have ever read. The book is worth reading
for that essay alone. There is also a story
in the current issue of Esquire about The Rooster getting
married. While it is good, it pales next to You Can't Kill....
which draws from the entire life of The Rooster.
There is currently a movie in the works about David
and his family.
Can I Get Fries With That...?
I've
always been a late night person, even with I was a kid. Many a night
my family would be fast asleep while I sat perched in front of the
television, jiggling the cable box controls in a vain attempt to
unscramble Cinemax ( " I think I saw a nipple! " ).
Sometimes, while I was sitting there, my father
would come out of my parents bedroom and wander into the
kitchen. He would soon return to the living room with a baloney
sandwich and glass of milk.
My father had the baloney sandwich down to an art
form. A single slice of bread, mayo, a piece of baloney, folded in
half. Simple but elegant.
As he stood there eating his sandwich we would talk
a little. My father traveled a lot when I was in high school and
college and these little late night rap sessions were often the only
time we ever really talked.
Soon, he would finish his sandwich and head back to
bed, leaving me to sit in the dark room lit only by the television's
glow.
Years later, I was watching some show with my mom,
a situation comedy or something, and one of the characters said,
" I always have a cigarette after sex."
My mother then added, " That's funny, your
father always gets up and makes a sandwich. "
Another warm childhood memory shot to hell.
The
Kinkajou Killing
There is an interesting
story in The Tampa Tribune about this poor little girl who had her
pets stolen. Unfortunately, one of the pets bit the thieves ( children
) so now the court has ordered the pets killed to test for
rabies.
Read
the story and ask yourself, " If the father of the thieves is
so distraught over the death his children are causing, why doesn't
he offer to pay for the shots?"
This story just got sadder. Read
this...
The Usual
Suspect
Thinking of getting a dog? Great! I have one you can have for
free.
Siberian Huskies are wonderful animals. Playful,
full of energy, beautiful to behold. However, they can get upset when
you leave them alone for too long.
This is compounded by the frustration they feel at
their total inability to read.
Lucky for me, I've already read the beginning of
this book.
Yosemite S&M
My
brother-in-law came to visit tonight with his wife and two small
children. Having children in the house is always a treat because we
only have 2 dogs and 4 cats so there's not nearly enough chaos.
Cartoon Network was on TV and since I never watch
cartoons anymore ( except for Larry King ) I was unfamiliar with the
show they were watching.
The show appeared to be about a bear with a pair of
testicles on his head and a little head between his legs. Naturally,
it reminded me of college.
Anyway, after that we watched Sponge Bob Square
Pants, who lives in Bikini Bottom with his friend Crusty Crab....
again with the college.
Then it was on to Slappy, the 3-legged puppy with a
penis for a nose and a mild case of herpes....
