You can be a millionaire and never pay taxes!
First, get a million dollars. Then.....

                                                                               Steve Martin

New posts are added to the bottom

Wednesday, 4.6.05
    
The pope is dead.
     Itís a pretty big deal when a pope dies. This one was pope for a long time and so itís a very big deal.
     Of course, I have to put my cynical spin on things by pointing out, what to me, seems obvious.
     They predict over a million people will travel to the Vatican to pay their respects. Imagine how many lives we could save if each of those people stayed home and donated $20 to charity. Wouldnít that be a fitting tribute to a man who dedicated his life to good works.
     Everyone is sad that the pope died. Shouldnít they be happy? I mean, heís the pope after all. Heís waited his whole life to meet his creator. It should be a celebration. Iíve always felt that the whole somber mood of funerals doesnít quite jive with the Christian teachings of everlasting life and true happiness.

Friday, 4.8.05
     I just want to say this to my daughter, in the future, reading this blog from her room at the mental institute:
     ďHoney, your mother is the one who kept banging your head into things when you were young.Ē
     I know, you would think that it would be me. I was sure that I would be the one banging the child into furniture when I pick her up, kicking her by accident while crossing my huge, Sasquatch-like legs on the couch.... generally responsible for all her pain and suffering. Turns out I was wrong.
     Itís Bobbi.
     Today, Bobbi turned as she walked out the door holding the baby and swung her head right into the door frame. She looked at me and asked, ďDid I just hit her head?Ē
     ďYes, but she hasnít realized it yet.Ē
     Babyís are funny because they frequently take a minute or two to realize that they have been hurt. Itís like they have to figure if itís what they think it is.
     And so, Sam stared at us for about five seconds before realizing that the sudden pain shooting through her skull was not normal and then it was cry, cry, cry.
     So, again sweetie, itís your motherís fault.

     Sam loves to pick things up and bang them together. She gets an intense joy out of smashing two plastic items together like sheís playing cymbals on the fFourth of July. Then, she hands them to me and the real fun begins as I go through every possible permutation of what can be done with the two objects because she wants me to do something with them, oh yes, and there will be much screaming and gnashing of teeth if I donít figure it out toot-sweet. ( Note: If I ever invent a pill that makes farts smell like candy, it will be called Toot-Sweet. ) I put them together, take them apart, stack them, bang them, form complex geometric designs while pleading, ďPlease, demon-child, give me a sign! What do you want me to do with these two objects?! This game ends with Sam throwing a fit. Always a party at the Perry house.

Saturday, 4.16.05
     Iím so sick of hearing the debate over Social Security. If you are confused about it, let me clear some things up for you.
     First, the Democrats are a bunch of idiots.
     They keep claiming that Social Security is good until 2042, when the Social Security Trust Fund runs out. That sounds peachy until you realize that said fund has no money in it. The excess money that is collected every year in Social Security tax is spent just like all the rest of our taxes. However, the government writes an I.O.U. for the excess Social Security money ( called a Treasury Bill ).
     Let me put it another way: If you spent every penny you made every week but also put an I.O.U to yourself in a coffee can for $100 each week.... when your rent increased, how would you pay it? What would those I.O.U.ís do for you?
     Welcome to 2018. Thatís what will happen to Social Security in 2018. Thatís when the system will start to take in more than it gives out and will start to cash in the ďTrust Fund, ď meaning that income taxes will have to be used to pay back all the I.O.U.ís. Since we already spend more money than we take in, it will mean more taxes or less benefits or both. Remember that tax refund check you got when Bush first took office and cut taxes? Try to let that be a comfort to you when you are 70 and eating cat food.
     By the way, the Republicans are idiots too. private accounts mean less money in the system which means we hit bankruptcy that much quicker. Private accounts are good because they allow you to invest your money in an actual asset instead of an I.O.U. However, they should be in addition to regular Social Security payments. Oh, thatís right, we already have that.... itís called an I.R.A or 401K!! These accounts were created so that people could save money for retirement. The government gives huge tax breaks on the accounts ( which is like getting Social Security all the time ).
     Whatís the answer? Easy, we raise taxes or cut benefits. Everything else is just accounting.

 

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