The wife is in the Bahama's for the weekend and I'm alone with the kids. I don't sleep well at all when Bobbi is gone, I wake up more often and have bad dreams. This time I dreamt that I found a size 18 sneaker in Bobbi's closet and woke up as she was making a sorry attempt to explain why she would have Shaquile O'neal's shoe. Hey, if you're going to cheat, at least have the courtesy to cheat with someone who has a smaller shoe-size than me, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.

At some point during the night, one of the cats pushed open the bedroom door. So, of course, when I awoke at 5a.m. and saw the door open I had to get up and patrol the entire house looking for the killer who was surely out to kidnap my children. I couldn't find him but I know he's here somewhere because I'm sure I heard him moving around for the next two hours while I stared at the ceiling.